the Fool
by SinnerStar
Summary: Kagome knows she's a fool, she learned from experience. Sess knows it too, but that doesn't stop him from being the fool himself, even if neither of them know it. Oneshot. SessKag.


_Disclamer: I do not own "Inuyasha", for if I did, it would've never finished. I do not own my fave pairing either (Sess & Kags)._

* * *

He didn't like the look or smell of her depressed aura. For some reason, it irked him. He should pull her out of it so that she'd no longer offend his senses. Plus, it was not even the death Naraku deserved since she had ended it swiftly. Yet still, she was so torn in her guilt and pity for the merciful death.

"You are a fool."

Shock ran through her. True, she had not expected him to comfort her or coddle her in her self-pity. Even she knew better than to expect a kind word, or any word perhaps. She wasn't even looking for a look of understanding! Kagome knew that he had killed many and without remorse, but even such a cold-blooded killer must have had his first kill sometime – and judging from his title – an experience that happened at a very early age. She thought that he'd understand, if not show it, at least not put in such words as his reply.

On hindsight though, she had no idea what had made her believe he wouldn't cut her down just as quickly as he once had and probably always will. Mayhap she had felt that she had become closer to him in such a short time; that they had reached an understanding; that they were friends. Mayhap that while he may not show or hold compassion, that understanding – at least – would not be denied.

The shock that came with the words was languidly followed by quick devouring anger as she analyzed his words. All of that, and perhaps more? It could have been her growing feelings blinding her from the obvious as it once had for Inuyasha. She laughed internally, was she seriously expecting that much from the Ice Cube? No, she couldn't even call him that. He is the Iceberg, cold on the surface and even colder beneath.

And that hurt.

That he treated her like everyone else. It hurt. It hurt that her growing feelings were based on his apparently nonexistent emotions; that there was no hope for her one-sided love once again. While she had long deemed it a tragic love, she had hoped to at least become friends. Now, it seems that even that idea was ludicrous. She could think of his words as nothing other than the truth anymore.

She smiled, albeit a sad, painful smile.

"Yes. I am a fool."

--

'Yes. I am a fool' replayed in his mind.

He knew those words would set her off, and most likely out of her depression in favor of her full blown anger. Which, by the way, he would not take since he'd just cut her down before she could continue with her expected rant. She was, at the end of all thought, such a prideful creature that fought for the wrong things. She had once fought for his half-breed of a brother after all. She would rise up to the calling her a fool and he would cut her down with her pity for an enemy. Simple as that.

He had felt it too, her feeling of depression cut sharply by shock which as she digested his words brought up a deep boiling anger. Her aura had been churning in guilt and remorse when it was all pulled into her by the shock. What confounded him was that though the anger brought her bright aura out slowly, it had then also settled once again into her calm state.

To add to that, he had definitely not expected for her to agree, for her to agree and smile. A smile that was both genuine and yet did not reach her eyes. It was a smile that showed disappointment and pain and a strong resignation. Like she was laughing at a futile effort to do the most absurd thing ever: like breathing outside the atmosphere, where there was only the void of space.

The look in her eyes did nothing to help his confusion either, since it almost looked as if she had bypassed their current topic of her remorse in dealing the final blow in Naraku's death and straight into something more lighthearted and yet much more serious. As if they had been talking about a joke that reminded her of a dying family member.

It brought a clenching of the muscles in the general area of his chest. He had no idea why her words and smile had pulled such a reaction on him. Was he forgetting to breathe properly again?

He could also tell that she was guarded once again. She had a blank voice and a blank look behind the pain. The look that made her seem as if there were no thoughts behind the disappointment and resignation. It oddly enough surprised him once more as he realized how open she had been with him these past few weeks. He had not realized that she was such a great actor that before she had, while been truthful and open, not shared the deeper meaning behind her feelings. Like her feelings were a shallow layer of paint. Only now after he had been accustomed to the true depths of her eyes did he find that she was not really that open at all.

He did not know how to reply, but felt some weird pressure telling him that he should.  
"You are an actor."

She laughed internally again.  
"Yes."  
She smiled the same broken smile. This time, with some deadened amusement in her voice.  
"That too."

He had no words to reply to the statement, and while Sesshoumaru Taisho did not usually reply in words, it did not usually mean he had no words or could not find words. He supposed that if he left it, the miko would be pressured to fill the silence by elaborating as she couldn't stand it herself. He mentally nodded when he saw she was beginning to speak.

"Now that we have established what I am, I suppose we should call it a day no?"  
She looked outside at the afternoon sun. It really was only 4pm.  
"If you would be so kind as to write down Shippo's and if you have it, Kouga's, contact numbers, I'll be on my way."  
She smiled a light – shallow – smile, for him. She mentally shrugged; it was only polite to be pleasant, especially when asking for information and whatnot.

She'd never have to see him again, never confide in him again, if she could get to the two others that shared her world. Not only that, but they were on her side of the battle; her friends, not her enemy. They would not cut her down and that was important; and they would not find her pain an amusement, and that was the most important.

She nodded as he wrote down the information on a notepad and lightly thanked him as he handed the paper to her. Then she whisked herself away, quickly, because she didn't know when the void in her heart that acted as the dam to her emotions would crack. She quickly walked out the door and flagged a cab. She was determined to leave with no signs of her pain; she was determined even more, to never return to have him put her down again. She knew better now and she knew to take this lesson to heart: no matter how cordial he would be, as expected of his station, never to take it as something more. A taiyoukai, as he had often stated, did not know or need love. A taiyoukai, as he had often reminded her he was, had no need of friends.

--

He waited for her nervous silence and a fidget or shift in weight. It did not happen.

So, surprised, he listened as she made no change in her gentle, blank voice and made a perfectly polite statement that told him she wanted to get away from him and wanted the contact information of her friends.  
And, dazed, he went and mechanically wrote down the contact information memorized and categorized in his demonic brain.  
And, stunned, he watched as she took the information with a cordial 'thank you' and actually walked out of his building without being dismissed.  
Thus, shocked, he stared out the window as she haled on a cab calmly and realized that she had never been so formal and detached from him.

Even when they had been enemies and she had stood by her hanyou's side she'd always held the warmth and concern that he'd seen her use with all creatures. She had always seen and treated all creatures as equal, caring never mind that they were youkai, hanyou, or criminal. Always with the same affable personality and witty banter, open emotions and encouraging words. Even in anger with clipped tones and volatile aura, she had never been detached and never without care. She would yell, swear, and demean, but never would she overlook any expression of pain or shock, physical or not.

And Sesshoumaru knew – with another pang in the general area of his chest, left side – that that had been the line. He had pushed and she had given and forgiven, and now, he had hit the line and crossed it. Her aura was one of calmness, but more so, one of detachment. One that told him to never stand in front of her again, no matter the problem, question, or concern. No matter the news, idea, or celebration there was no need to share it with her again, because she simply no longer cared about his life. No, it was more than that. She simply no longer cared about him. There was one missing beat to the rhythm of his heart when the conclusion hit him.

She did not care.  
He had brought up a subject of pain.  
She _did not_ care.  
He had mocked her pain.  
_She did not care._  
He had pushed too hard.  
_She did not care about him anymore._

This time he admitted that there was a clench in the general area of his heart and that he found it difficult to breathe. So he forced out a laugh. A single harsh bark of laughter.

_What was he laughing at?_  
He didn't know.  
_Why was he laughing?_  
He was not sure.  
_For what reason did he force out a laugh if he did not want it?_  
He no longer knew.  
_Why was this laugh so painful?_  
This, he knew.

It was because he had not laughed in centuries, ever since he had lost Rin. It was because he had only laughed recently after those centuries. It was mostly because after those centuries, it was _her_ that had made him laugh.  
Only her.  
So it hurt, though he would not acknowledge it, that she had left him like he was supposed to leave her. Cold and uncaring, and with _detachment_.

Cold.  
Uncaring.  
With detachment.

That is what he is supposed to be and yet, he laughed with her, he was intrigued and amused by her, and even more, he liked the presence of her.  
Because she was witty, and she was open. Because she could hold no grudge, and she was impossibly loyal.  
She was unique.

She was _Kagome_.

Another pang, clench, and missing heart beat.

Kagome.  
She was hurt.  
Kagome.  
She was crying.  
Kagome.  
He called her a fool for her emotions.  
Kagome.  
She smiled. An _empty_ smile.  
Kagome.  
She _agreed_.  
Kagome.  
She walked away.  
_Kagome_.

She walked away. She left. She was not coming back. No more café chats, no more dinner dates. No more relieving the loneliness. No more amusement. No more laughing. No more teasing.  
No more Kagome.

A shift in the lighting from outside brought him out of his daze. He had just realized while staring outside at the evening rain that his words had become shorter, his sentences more broken – especially after every clench of some area of his chest, _left_ side. That and he realized that he had been standing there looking through the window for two hours, piercing the same spot he had last seen her on the sidewalk. There was only a puddle of rainwater there now.

And as he thought back to the words at the beginning of their conversation, he gave an inperceptable sigh.  
Yes, she was a fool, and she acknowledged and admitted it.  
Unfortunately, he had not realized then, that he too was a fool.


End file.
